Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
