Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
