someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
