Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
