do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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