just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
