Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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