So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize