I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
