Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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