It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
