Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
