you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
