is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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