I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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