thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
