i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
