Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
