Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
