Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
