A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
