So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
