We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
