I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
