Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize