Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
