how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
