Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
