The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
