I was the one passing out cake at the bars
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
