I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
