My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
