Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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