Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
