I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
