how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well you can't waste a boner
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
