you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
