The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
