Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
