he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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