He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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