but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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