my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize