sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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