I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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