Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
