I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize