I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I won the penis lottery.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
