I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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