i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
tell me about the fingering
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
