Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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