Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
