her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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