you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Everything about him screamed your future.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
