Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize