well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
