Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
