So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
send nudes
from the living room?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
