In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
