I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your cock deserves a montage
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
