the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
