Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
