i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
