Umm I'm too high to move.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
