Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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