how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Are we still banned from the library?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
