Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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