all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
