Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
