too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
