Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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